When It All Falls Down....

it's weird
i missed the ceremony of death that i planned to attend
and found myself at an unexpected one
and here i stand looking over into casket of...
yeah...
i stare and ponder
for my body is paralyzed
and incapable of doing anything else

it's weird
no one is present but lonesome me
who else should be here?
so many thoughts, moments, feelings
a tidal wave in its peak preparing to crash and destroy
i am the tidal wave
i am the shore
i am the destroyer
i am the destroyed

it's weird
that all that is within me
beckons flowing streams of salt water, my tears
yet, my face remains dry
but my heart cries twice the tears as the blood it pumps
all i can do is stare
and think about what was
and what is not come
and what will not be

it's weird
that although no tears
escape my eyes
nor words
from my mouth
the black markings
that form my thoughts
into readable increments
are wetter
and more pain filled
than i can ever be
at this moment
as i stare
at the result
of my
selfishness

Hear My Cry

I often wonder why I turned out the way I did
I was outgoing and outspoken as a kid
Then with all the things I was exposed to in my life
I had a negative reaction to second-hand strife
Some where along the line
I shut myself off from the world
And although I was breeching womanhood
I hid from view like a little girl
I no longer talked with my mouth
But with pen and paper
Writing my thoughts and feelings and then reflecting on them later
When the barrier of innocence
Sheilded sin no more
I realized that pure sanity
Would be mine no more.
Though I've grown from the me that used to be
The shy girl
The push over
The old, dead me
I still wonder how i would be accepted
If I bloomed differently
Sometimes I become so filled with hatred
That heated tears fill my eyes
They scorch my skin as they roll down a face
Distorted from exposure so sin and lies
I look in the mirror and despise the reflection that i see
I think back on all that i've done and...
I am ashamed of my ignorance, my feebleness, my cruelty
I hate my past actions but my hate for them only warrents their recurrence
And when they come about I wonder
Where the fuck is my conscience
There's so much in me that I want to free
I want the hidden part of me to be exposed
But I wonder if it will indeed be for the best
Maybe it's meant for me to hide my soul
...I am lost

The Words...

Two hearts
One beating to a rhythm unknown
The possibilities of the organs
Like seeds unsown
Then in an unprecedented moment
The first goal was kicked
The hearts began to flutter
The feelings began to mix
Though afraid and ‘noid
Gaurds began to fall
No’s become void
Safety precautions destroyed
The perfections are the annoyed
And then…
“Don’t be afraid of the moment…”
The faint whispers
On point of what is felt
The heart beats with anticipation
Fearing the flawless hand dealt
The kiss
The passion
The fire
The heat
The rubbing
The touching
The words…
So Sweet
“far deep in melody,
everything in tune;
a ballad not of this world,
we're on the moon”
Allow our hearts to bloom
All else is destined for doom
Struggling now to sale the car
Forgetting the story behind the scar
Accepting both perfection and flaw
Everything else is damned
Let him with ears understand

The Anatomy of Him...

The feel of his breath on my neck is ecstacy
And when he's lying next me
He Brings me Joy
He's content with just holding me
He doesn't mind consoling me
When the ills of the world get a hold to me
He's real
He takes long romantic strolls with me
He's not afraid to tell me what he feels for me
He talks and his words evoke a thrill within me
He Is.
He whispers the sweetest things to me
He walks the mile with me
He accepts me as Me
He's so fly
When it comes down to pleasing me
He warrants only the best for me
No seducing or misusing me
Flowers, jewels, and love...for me
He's legit
His mere prescence excites me
His arms always invite me
He makes me so damn happy
I can't contain myself
He's just that good
No matter how hard it gets with me
He wants to make things work with me
He wants me and only me

Pero, donde es el?